A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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