i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
