fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
