I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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