he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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