is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
