Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
