12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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