We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
