My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
