I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
