so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
