I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
