fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
