It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
