I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
