You can't motorboat a personality
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
