oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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