am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
