If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
