I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
