If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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