All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
