Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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