well I can't set my house on fire every night
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
