Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
