i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
