i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
