Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
