I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I will pee on everything he values.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
