yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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