i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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