I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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