Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
