Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
