at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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