Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
