last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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