Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
