well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
