I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
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