you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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