just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
