so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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