I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
