I smell stomach acid.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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