Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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