How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
