seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
