so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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