I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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