Have you finally orgasmed yet?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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