Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
