There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
