I'd wear matching sweaters with you
someone threw a dead crab at me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just found a bag of teeth...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't deserve a penis
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
